so you want some teeth stories huh?

Well I got a couple that will crack you up…

A long time ago me my brother, and 2 friends went to the beach in gloucester to get drunk and hit on all the women, well, after awhile we started walking the beach that ended and turned into huge rocks and huge ledges then one of us spotted  a few bouy’s floating pretty close to the shore, we new there was lobsta pots tied to them so we started to hook one with a big stick which didnt work so i jumped in and tried to drag it close enough so the guys on the 10 foot ledge could drag it up, I could’nt get it close enough so the guys jumped in and we made like a chain from the bouy to the ledge and started draggin it in, I was the the 1st guy in the chain and i had a real good grip to the ledge so there we were , shitfaced also,

Well because the lobsta pot was so deep (we were way ova our heads , the ledge went like 20 feet unda the surface to the floor of the ocean,)

So as we’re pulling, the tension of the rope and the depth of the pot started to  tighten and pull us unda the water, The guy furthest out went under the most ya no?

Well , Were laughing our ass’s off, the huge waves are smashin off the ledge wall, we’re hand to hand stretched out and pracktically drowning , I’m laughing so hard and swallowing water my top dentures come flying out and start sinking to the bottom, so i let go of them and they’re trying to swim around me to the ledge, the waves are smashin, total caos, Losing them would have ruined me,  so I could just barely see the glare of the sun reflecting off my teeth, so i take a deep breath and make a swim for them,

I remember opening my eyes and seeing them, they were so far away , im thinkin theres no way im gonna catch up to them before they disapear unda a rock or something.

I’m completely out of air, I was rite at the point of drowning , I had to cover my mouth wit my hand so i would’nt breath water, i’m like 15 feet down, the teeth are like 2 feet from getting lost in the rocky bottom, I could’nt make it, so in one last desperation attempt i stretched my arm out as far as i could, closed my eyes and reached out and the split secong that they went between the rocks i rememba closing my hand and feeling them in it… I couldn’t believe i had them,

I rememba breathing in ocean water on the way up, So i get to the surface chokin and pukin sea water up and them guys (who had no idea i had lost my teeth) just sat there laughing histerically over what we had just tried to do not no’n i almost drown.

Well we gave up on that pot but found some other ones and ended up with a lobsta each

I rememba messin with my girlfriend one time when we were walking side by side when rite before i was gonna sneeze i looked towards her so my sneeze juice would land on her, Then when i sneezed my dentures came flying out and bopped her rite on the cheek, lol so im in emergency mode trying to pick them up before one of us stepped on them

she started whalin on me cuz she didnt know it was my teeth that bopped off her face, she thought i finga flicked her… it was pretty funny,

ok this is the best one…

bak in the day me and my friends of like 10 of us that hung out togetha all the time… always prankin each otha and havin fun,

well one nite we filled a cooler with all kinds of booze and fresh fruit so we had to drink out of plastic cups, 5 of us were standin in a circle messin around and i managed to sneak my top dentures into laura’s cup without her knowing, so i whisper to dave and brian what i had done and i challenged everyone to see who could suk down there drink 1st, I thought i was gonna pull the funniest prank eva on her and we started to suk them down lookin over the rim of the cup to see her reaction when all of a sudden she flung what was left in her drink into the woods behind us and said, “whew, I can’t finnish it” and i’m like, no way… my teeth were in your cup and now they were somewhere in the woods,

 Instead of freaking out when she noticed my teeth while she was sukkin it down she decided to turn the prank around and play it on me…. and boy did she eva, it was dark so it took me like 2 hours of searchin on my hands and knees with a bic lighter to find them… lolol

~Tom Welch, 47, MA

I had two grandmothers. My favorite grandmother had a false tooth that bit me when she kissed my cheek. I would always plan to try to avoid getting kissed by the “biting grandmother,” but I always forgot which one it was, so I was always getting bitten! (I loved her very much anyway).

Naomi Pierce, 45, MA

I like the sound of a horses teeth being filed down. Reminds me of stone carving.

~Maria Rott, 26, MD

I was visiting my sister at her college up in the boonies of upstate new york, and her roomates had purchased an air powered bb gun rifle that they were using to shoot at cans from their stoop like the awful hicks they were. We messed around with that for a bit and then I suggested incorporating the gun into an improvised device similar to the one in this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2zhI5K5yhU (which I had just recently seen). It worked really well at first, and then we all realized that since the gun was loaded by pulling air through the chamber with a pump, the smoke could be drawn out automatically by the mechanism that readies the gun for firing. We discovered that this delivered a heavy poof of super pressurized thick smoke straight into our lungs when the gun was discharged by pulling the trigger while you had your mouth around the muzzle. Long story short, the kickback from one of the discharges caught my front tooth in just the wrong way and I chipped my tooth.

~Andrew Bogenhagen, 24, CA

I heard the #1 cause responsible for chipping teeth is accidental collision from people at the bar while sippiing on a bottle of beer.

~Dave Welsh, 25, NJ

I seem to have strange dental experiences. One time one of my orthodontist’s nurses started weeping over me. I could not say anything because she had tools in my mouth, and all I could do was somehow communicate with my eyes that I was not really enjoying her tears falling on my face. I tried consoling her afterwards; she apparently had felt that I had not been treated right by my doctor. In my opinion I had just been left to wait for 30 min, which I did not mind much seeing that it gave me an excuse to miss math class.

One of my first dentists was an awful person. He not only was not considerate when cleaning your teeth (jabbing in tools as if my mouth where made out of cement), but also said I had hideous bad breath. He told my mother I had a pig’s mouth. My mother was pissed and discontinued my visits to him. I felt happy myself; on top of having to deal with his rudeness, he was actually the one that had bad breath. I spent my appointments with him not breathing and dealing with his rudeness. Changing doctors was one of the best decisions I had made.

~Zarela YM, 20, RI

I know a lot of people have had braces.  Most people get them when they’re pretty young and have them removed before they reach high school.  Most people never wanted them and wished them away every second that they were on their teeth.  I dreamed of having braces and retainers since I was nine.

You know lollipop sticks?  The ones that are some sort of cardboard that gets soft and bendable after you’ve finished eating all the candy?  Well, I used to slobber them up until they were good and flexible, and then stick these lollipop sticks under my lips to pretend I had retainers. I would practice speaking in the mirror with them and push them back in when they slipped out.  This went on for years…

When I was about fifteen it was finally my turn.  We were at the orthodontist for my brother.  He was born without his anterior incisors (#7 and 10 actually) so my mom wanted him to get braces and false tooth implants to make him look “normal.”  To be honest, no one notices that my brother is missing these teeth unless you specifically point it out to them.  So, my brother, being practical and adverse to any unnecessary pain in his life, refused braces.  And then, I stepped in.  After the orthodontist asked me some preliminary questions and felt my jaw, which clicks wholeheartedly upon opening and closing, he informed my mother that I could use braces too.  My bottom teeth were very narrowly aligned, my teeth quite close together, and the braces might relieve the TMJ (Temporomandibular joint disorder) which actually kept me up some nights because the clicking would drive me insane… but that’s another story.

I began my orthodontic treatments as any other patient, except that I happily went to every appointment, and was usually the oldest person in the waiting room.  When I was given rubber bands, I excitedly used them when I was told to, and even added some extra just for fun.  I guess braces tapped into my inner masochist.  I gladly endured them for three years, after which, I was supposed to have them removed.  At this point, my inner cheeks had scars that are still with me today, and I was a senior in High School.  It was time for them to go.  But, then, my orthodontist died.  And no one told us.  My appointments were pushed further and further back.  After this went on for a few months, I went to the office unprompted and asked when my braces were going to be removed, and if I could speak to my orthodontist.  They didn’t want to tell me earlier because they thought it would upset the patients if they knew their orthodontist had died.  So they quietly transitioned the practice to another doctor without telling any of us.  They kept the same office, and its decor, which included some of the previous orthodontist’s family photos.  I guess this was supposed to protect the younger patients, many of whom were children, but I was a freshman in college.

After nearly five years with braces, they were removed.  My teeth felt so small.  My cheeks could finally recover, and now at last I would have my retainers.

Adriana Hernandez, 27, Munich, Germany

Right now, I have an unfilled cavity in one of my molars that’s been there since 2005. The last time I had a dental appointment (in 2008… my mom tricked me into it) the dentist actually advised me to keep doing whatever I was doing, since the cavity didn’t seem to have changed at all in the intervening 3 years. He said I was a freak of nature and usually someone who has been as dentally irresponsible as I would have already had his molar rotted out of his head. He had no time for an emergency filling, and I told him I was going back to NYC the next day anyway, where I have no dentist. (Or doctor, for that matter). He said for me not to worry about it unless it starts to hurt, in which case it had probably already deteriorated the nerve and would require a root canal, which costs over a thousand dollars. I do a pretty good job of not worrying about it. Ah, the exciting freelance lifestyle.

~Adam Chang, 23, NY

During college I asked my mom if I could have my baby teeth back. Sure enough she had kept them all in a tiny box, but she had kept my brothers in the same one so there was no way to tell which teeth were mine. I found this a bit upsetting.

Sarah Mantell, 25, PA

I had veneers put in as my two front teeth, I knocked them out when I was 12 and running into our house that was being remodeled. Some one had left a scaffold out at our entrance and I ran into it at full speed hitting the bridge of my nose and falling backwards onto brick patio. This impact of my head hitting the brick slammed my jaw together and shredded my two front teeth.

~Meghan Gildea, 24, CA